Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
