Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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