you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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