my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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