the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
