You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
