she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
