god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She's the barista slut.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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