Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
