I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize