turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
