redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
