got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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