I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
