life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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