i love accidental penises.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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