i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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