I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
