yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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