do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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