omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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