Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
