i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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