I cannot find my penis.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
