You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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