Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize