BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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