I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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