feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize