They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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