Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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