I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
