I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
