Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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