you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize