So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
