I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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