bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize