guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
