Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
