are you still at the devil's house?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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