That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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