I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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