wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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