Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
