did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
