My first STD was from a foam party
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
