so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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