I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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