You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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