dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
