You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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