I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
