I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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