My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
