Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize