Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
