We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
