fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
