hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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