I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
