So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize