don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
They have beer where we have blood.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
