Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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