I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
