Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
