a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
