I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
