then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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