I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
