i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
