Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
