You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I checked into jail on foursquare
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
