Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I cut my penus on the lid.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
