you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I checked into jail on foursquare
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
